Finding Me Again

If I've learned nothing else in life, I've learned that it is vastly important to find out who you are.

As an artist, as a soul, and and as a human being, knowing the person inside of you is necessary to help the person on the outside of you function in your chosen way of life.

It can be something small and miniscule, or it can be large and grandiose, but labor hard and long to find that entity that is you.
I know that most of you who read me have been wondering where I've been. All I can say to that is that I've missed you as much as you've missed me, and although I've been around, I haven't been able to find me for a little while.
My health has been pretty good, but my mental health has been a bit shaky of late. It's been a combination of a few things. Mostly missing my parents and my sister (they're deseceased, for those of you that didn't know...). My younger sister is in the US Navy, and right now, she's stationed in Japan, and I worry constantly about her (although she is doing quite well in fact...)
The crux of my troubles have been that I've been feeling rather insignificant as a musician, and couldn't seem to find my groove.
The last 4 months or so, I've been showing up to play, but my soul wasn't along for the ride. I actually felt that maybe my time was up as a musician, and that it was time to put away my mic, and my sax for good.
On Friday I had a gig with one of my dearest friends, bluesman Terry Lowry, and I just agonized about my playing, and although most in attendance said to my face, how great I sounded, it was as if I didn't hear a sound...from me, or them.
Last night I had a gig with the Carpenter Ants, and I intitially thought that I would be an absolute flop, but a little, subtle change made all the difference... I CHANGED REEDS !!!

Charlie Tee, what in the world are you talking about?
For the last 5 months, I've used the same reed on my saxophone, and the truth is, that it died ages ago, and I should have realized right away that the reason that I wasn't getting my sound was that I should have broken out a new reed awhile ago. Instead, I've felt terribly about myself thinking erroneously that I've lost my ability to play.
Another thing is that I have trouble relaxing and going with the flow. If you know baseball at all, you can relate... I was in a slump.
Your mind can play terrible tricks on you if you're not careful, it can cause you see things that aren' t there. I'm not especially good at sitting around and waiting to play. I feel as though I lose my edge to entertain when I have to sit around and wait. I prefer to be as spontaneous as possible when I have to perform, the less sleep, or waiting that I have causes me to think
inside and outside of the box, and I've always felt that that has made me the person I am as an entertainer, I seem to think better on my feet when I go in seemingly without rest, and just able to come off the cuff.
If you're following this sequence so far, I'm sure that you're laughing at me out loud. I get so silly with this, that at times I feel as though I could run and hide from everyone, and I actually cower away from folks.
I know that this is in fact crazy, but hey, that's me and how I operate...warts and all.
Sometimes finding me again takes some work, but at least I'm honest about it, and I hope that when you or "Stella" need to find your groove again, its something as simple as making a needed change within yourself. You'll be much happier that you did.
See ya soon.

Support Live music today tomorrow and always. Let it help you find your essence.