Wishing For a Rainbow

Before I go on, I want to say that I'm sorry that I've been away for so long...
I know that you've missed me and truth be told, I've seriously missed you all as well.
I've had alot of change happen since we last met, including now being a dialysis patient among other things.
Dialysis is a different deal for a guy like me, but I'm doing my best to be patient and go with the flow of things, and I'm trying to cope with it all.

I've been terribly sad lately, I sooo miss Vickie ( my late wife...) every day of my life, and I wonder at times how I find the strength to carry on and function. Although most folks don't see me this way, I cry alot; especially when I'm alone.
I don't try to hide myself away, but I know that this has affected everything in my life, and as a result I don't feel as strong as I used to about myself, and in fact it is affecting my performances. I feel as though I've lost my fire as well as my desire. These days performing for me is as meaningless as wishing for a rainbow.
I've heard lots of music that makes me smile, but right this minute I don't want to be a part of it.
I'm being honest about things here folks. I know this isn't what you've come to expect from me, the biggest advocate of live music, but I'm in a funk of major proportions.
Realistically, I will get back to my groove and I will find the magic that is my makeup, so I just want ask of you to be understanding, and patient with me for right now.
 I still want you to support live music even if I'm not there, because everyone else is doing their best to enterain you and enthrall you, and we all still need you.
I'll be back just as soon as I can, but until then keep me in your thoughts and prayers.
With all my love,
Charlie Tee