Once when I was kid I had a dream that I got transported to some island and there was no music of any kind, and when I opened my mouth nothing came out at least in terms of music.When I would try to sing there would be nothing, and forget about trying to play an instrument, it just was not possible...Now to me, that ain't no dream, but a nightmare !!
Right now I'm so sick that I'm feeling like that dream might come true, and I'm very scared, because I don't know what I'd do without my music.
If you've been reading my blog since the beginning, you'll know that my only true dream has been to be a musician. I found the home that I want to be in with the Carpenter Ants, but I now have to be truly realistic and realize that my health is failing, and I just might not be around to get to finish line with them...a frightening thought which I try to push out of my mind, but it keeps creeping back.
I talked with my family Doctor, and she advised me to take 2 months off from work, and maybe we can figure this thing out, so I'm finding strength, and gaining peace with whatever befalls me.
I feel like Lou Gehrig (of the Yankees ) felt when he said "today I consider myself the luckiest man on Earth."
You all know that I'm a fighter, and that I'll find out what's ailing me, and do what I need to do to make myself better, but sometimes it's hard to find that strength, and I have to gain peace with that...take it a day at a time.
I will say this though, if in fact I have to give up being a musician, I am happy because I have had my day in the Sun, and I'm grateful for what time I had, so I'm finding strength, and gaining peace with that.
None-the less, support live music today tomorrow and always.
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3 comments:
it is very very hard to come to terms with illness, with feeling "less than", in body and in spirit.
there are times when i feel i have come to an understanding, almost but not quite acceptance, because acceptance to me feels at times as if i am a quiter, tho i am not, i know. understanding, yes. i understand most of it. you i think, understand, but there will be days, just as i have days, when you will struggle to find peace within yourself because of feeling cheated in a way, then a little guilty because i am sure, you, as i, as most do, know those that have it far worse. then the days come where you think the peace will last. i hope it does, for you and yours. i send all good thoughts and vibes your way my friend! always, sherry
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