Playing music in West Virginia can be a bit tricky at times. Not that there is anything wrong with the state per se' but the opportunities here for those of us in music can be few and far between. Most bands like this one generally need to venture beyond the borders to stay afloat, so that's what we do...we travel quite a bit.
For the most part we play every Wednesday at the Empty Glass, Thursday through Saturday is open for us to go to other areas, and Sunday, if there is a Mountain Stage it finds us back at the Glass that night after the show.
I don't necessarily see this as a whirlwind, but our schedule at times can be really hectic, plus the fact that we all have fairly regular jobs that we have to report to daily.
Then there are times when we don't have gigs and there isn't a soul out at the club. It's those nights that can be just as much fun as when we're playing music, because we get to just hang out and let our hair down. We don't get to be just the fellas too often, so it's kinda nice when we can kick back and chill.
Last night was like that, there weren't many people out so although we did play a little we mostly just hung out and laughed alot.
I really truly love my brothers, and it has been a life changing experience for me to be around them. I've had great friends around me all of my life, and I've been in some nice situations musically but being in the Carpenter Ants has afforded me a say so in my own destiny musically.
Over the years I was a sideman in bands, a singer, etc., but with this group I have been given an equal voice, something that's hard to do when you're just the hired help.
Another thing that has been great about this is that we've clicked as people. I mean I can hang out with any of them one on one, or we can hang out as a group.
Many bands often forget how they started out and become solo conglomerates in their own bands, with their own agents, managers, hangers on etc.
I really hope that we never lose sight of the fact that we have been in this experience together and we've set our sights on the heights, and are striving toward our goals together.
This commonplace person believes...your companions are your mirror and they show you yourself...
I like what I see.
This blog is dedicated to Michael Lipton, Ted Harrison and James "Jupiter" Little...The Carpenter Ants, thank you for 12 of the best years of my life.
This is also dedicated to Larry Groce, and Don Dixon, thank you for believing in us.
Thursday, April 28, 2005
The High Price of Awakening
At different times in my life I gave up trying to accomplish something with this music because I seemed to be hitting a brick wall. I'm sure that has happened to everyone at one time or another.
Although, I'd done that, something kept drawing me back to music, so I'd gotten the feeling that there is a force greater than me pulling me back. It's really frustrating at times because I really want to make my life's work making music, so I try, and I try, and I shed tears and I try.
Only a fool would be in his mid-life years and still keep trying to do the thing he loves, but I've learned that a fool finds dreams the cheapest road to glory, but the wise man knows the high price of awakening.
I still dream this dream almost every night, and I still wake up and want it more than I want anything. How the hell do I reconcile this feeling? How the in the world can I turn it off? Should I turn it off?
Over the years I'd hear and read stories of people trying to make it in music and they'd have one hardship after another, some even made it then something worse happened and they didn't get to enjoy it (that one really scares me !). All I know is that I live for this music , it's all I ever think about. I have to say that if it weren't for my wife I'd probably go insane because I know that I wouldn't keep my job, I wouldn't have a home, and I'd surely be a bum on the street with my saxophone. THAT IS CRAZY!!!
This is one of the reasons that I don't go to concerts...I can't bring myself to see others lucky enough to do what I want to be doing so badly, although I really try to be big about it and to some degree cavalier.
Sometimes I feel so foolish for feeling the way that I do but I can't help it.
I'm writing this particular blog because I want to stress to everybody that is trying to do this as well to not give up.You really can't worry about the length of time it takes to make a career, but you do need to be prepared as much as you can for it. Network, network, network, the key is to get involved wherever you can and whenever you can.
If you're meeting people who think that you're silly, get away fast from them because they will drain your energy quick, fast and in a hurry.
The other side of this is; try hard to be real, I mean if you have a family, don't sqaunder away your life together just to pursue your art, that would be just as foolish. Be open to learn some things...about your craft and about yourself.
The desire for this career can be a double edged sword, it can find you, but it can also cut you and destroy you. Instead find some happy medium where you can go for your dream, and you can dare to dream it.
The last harsh reality is that music is not for everyone. That includes people who are makng a living at it (my true feeling about American Idol judges). Just remember always what I said: the fool find dreams the cheapest road to glory, but the wise man knows the high price of awakening.
"By concentrating on precision one arrives at technique, but by concentrating on technique one does not arrive at precision."
Although, I'd done that, something kept drawing me back to music, so I'd gotten the feeling that there is a force greater than me pulling me back. It's really frustrating at times because I really want to make my life's work making music, so I try, and I try, and I shed tears and I try.
Only a fool would be in his mid-life years and still keep trying to do the thing he loves, but I've learned that a fool finds dreams the cheapest road to glory, but the wise man knows the high price of awakening.
I still dream this dream almost every night, and I still wake up and want it more than I want anything. How the hell do I reconcile this feeling? How the in the world can I turn it off? Should I turn it off?
Over the years I'd hear and read stories of people trying to make it in music and they'd have one hardship after another, some even made it then something worse happened and they didn't get to enjoy it (that one really scares me !). All I know is that I live for this music , it's all I ever think about. I have to say that if it weren't for my wife I'd probably go insane because I know that I wouldn't keep my job, I wouldn't have a home, and I'd surely be a bum on the street with my saxophone. THAT IS CRAZY!!!
This is one of the reasons that I don't go to concerts...I can't bring myself to see others lucky enough to do what I want to be doing so badly, although I really try to be big about it and to some degree cavalier.
Sometimes I feel so foolish for feeling the way that I do but I can't help it.
I'm writing this particular blog because I want to stress to everybody that is trying to do this as well to not give up.You really can't worry about the length of time it takes to make a career, but you do need to be prepared as much as you can for it. Network, network, network, the key is to get involved wherever you can and whenever you can.
If you're meeting people who think that you're silly, get away fast from them because they will drain your energy quick, fast and in a hurry.
The other side of this is; try hard to be real, I mean if you have a family, don't sqaunder away your life together just to pursue your art, that would be just as foolish. Be open to learn some things...about your craft and about yourself.
The desire for this career can be a double edged sword, it can find you, but it can also cut you and destroy you. Instead find some happy medium where you can go for your dream, and you can dare to dream it.
The last harsh reality is that music is not for everyone. That includes people who are makng a living at it (my true feeling about American Idol judges). Just remember always what I said: the fool find dreams the cheapest road to glory, but the wise man knows the high price of awakening.
"By concentrating on precision one arrives at technique, but by concentrating on technique one does not arrive at precision."
Sunday, April 24, 2005
Gas, Ass or Grass...
When I was in college, I had a roommate at some point named Herman Gwinn. "Silver- throat" as we called him in those days had as you can imagine a great voice ( he could sing his butt off, and then some...).When he pledged to one of the many fraternites on campus, for the one he chose, he was a welcomed addition.
In those days (the 70's to be exact) fraternities and sororites had traditions of great singers and showmen. On days such as Homecoming , and when the pledge period was over and the pledgies crossed their respective "burning sands ( a fraternal ritual term meaning that they have been inducted into the organization)," the new members and the old guard would get together in the Student Union or the lobby of the dormitory and put on one amazing show after another.
All of the fraternities and sororities at my campus had at least one phenomenal singer, but in my opinion Herman topped them all...
I thought about Herman recently when The Carpenter Ants got caught in the quagmire of trying to negotiate prices for performances. It's the age old question; how much should we charge? How much are we worth (that's my particular question)?
I said in a recent blog that it's difficult to be in our position because while we genuinely love to play, but we've also got things to take care of like everyone else. It's a very uncomfortable stance for Michael to take because on the one hand you want the exposure, but on the other, you'd like to hope that the people who are paying see you as worth more than $400.00 dollars, especially when you know that they've made more on the deal than you can hope to.
I on the other hand don't have a problem with asking for what I believe we're worth. This is not to say that I think Mike is wrong, clearly he's not, because he in fact has gotten us far more gigs than I have, and that brings me to the point of utilizing Herman in this story.
One of the things that Herman did while we were in school was to drive people around, I mean he would take them to the airport, to the train station, or wherever, but he did this for a fee. The remarkable thing here though was that he made ungodly amounts of money doing so. People seemed to not have a problem with his asking price, and even more remarkable was that he never charged me, and I made plenty of offers to pay but he always told me to hold on to my money. It took me a long time to realize what was going on...I was the one who got the people to sequester his rides; he had a nice car, he had music (on an 8 track, but hey !), and there were always cool conversations going on in that "limo" service. Instead of people being outraged, because they were on a college budget, they not only paid but it also translated into other areas (are you starting to get the picture here?) Mr. Gwinn managed to garner a following, It's no wonder he was so well liked in the fraternity world, folks were also paying to go to his frat's parties, because he would always bring down the house with a song or two, which in turn made them rich by campus standards.
This is funny now, but Herman's philosophy was ALWAYS, that "gas, ass or grass nobody rides for free." He said that if you do things right, people will pay, and pay good money to have their needs met. I'll leave it to your imagination to figure out what that phrase really meant.
So I'm torn here, is this the way we should go? Or do we lower our sights and continue to play small venues and regional stages hoping for that break?
You be the judge...
In those days (the 70's to be exact) fraternities and sororites had traditions of great singers and showmen. On days such as Homecoming , and when the pledge period was over and the pledgies crossed their respective "burning sands ( a fraternal ritual term meaning that they have been inducted into the organization)," the new members and the old guard would get together in the Student Union or the lobby of the dormitory and put on one amazing show after another.
All of the fraternities and sororities at my campus had at least one phenomenal singer, but in my opinion Herman topped them all...
I thought about Herman recently when The Carpenter Ants got caught in the quagmire of trying to negotiate prices for performances. It's the age old question; how much should we charge? How much are we worth (that's my particular question)?
I said in a recent blog that it's difficult to be in our position because while we genuinely love to play, but we've also got things to take care of like everyone else. It's a very uncomfortable stance for Michael to take because on the one hand you want the exposure, but on the other, you'd like to hope that the people who are paying see you as worth more than $400.00 dollars, especially when you know that they've made more on the deal than you can hope to.
I on the other hand don't have a problem with asking for what I believe we're worth. This is not to say that I think Mike is wrong, clearly he's not, because he in fact has gotten us far more gigs than I have, and that brings me to the point of utilizing Herman in this story.
One of the things that Herman did while we were in school was to drive people around, I mean he would take them to the airport, to the train station, or wherever, but he did this for a fee. The remarkable thing here though was that he made ungodly amounts of money doing so. People seemed to not have a problem with his asking price, and even more remarkable was that he never charged me, and I made plenty of offers to pay but he always told me to hold on to my money. It took me a long time to realize what was going on...I was the one who got the people to sequester his rides; he had a nice car, he had music (on an 8 track, but hey !), and there were always cool conversations going on in that "limo" service. Instead of people being outraged, because they were on a college budget, they not only paid but it also translated into other areas (are you starting to get the picture here?) Mr. Gwinn managed to garner a following, It's no wonder he was so well liked in the fraternity world, folks were also paying to go to his frat's parties, because he would always bring down the house with a song or two, which in turn made them rich by campus standards.
This is funny now, but Herman's philosophy was ALWAYS, that "gas, ass or grass nobody rides for free." He said that if you do things right, people will pay, and pay good money to have their needs met. I'll leave it to your imagination to figure out what that phrase really meant.
So I'm torn here, is this the way we should go? Or do we lower our sights and continue to play small venues and regional stages hoping for that break?
You be the judge...
Change What You're Doing Today...
This blog was inspired by my friend Todd Burge. I got an e-mail from him recently, thanking me for trying to put a positive spin on a gig that we did together.
For some people it really is difficult at times to do the things that we love, or to get to the space in time where we feel like what we're doing is making a difference...to anyone. I think sometimes the true reason for that is that subconciously we have fear of what others think, and this negative energy sinks into us, and sinks our beliefs. Conversely, it's one of the reasons that music has such profound messages when we listen objectively. Take for example Marvin Gayes' monster hit in 1971 "What's Goin' On." It touched people deeply with strong statements about loving each other and fair treatment of our fellow humans, but although he wrote the message and really felt so strongly about it he still died at the hands of violence...and from his own Father to boot. He had demons as such that he really needed help of the highest order.
Although, I really struggle with believing in myself at times ( and even that's weird because I in fact have a very strong belief system; although at times it gets short circuited.), I still feel that I'm going to get where I'm going with my life. The key is change !! "Change what you're doing today, and tomorrow will change." In order to garner the things that you want in this life you have to put everything into some chronological order. It could be playing music; you would need to have an understanding of it before attempting to make it a livelihood, it could be falling in love, for that to truly happen, you must first love yourself. If you wanted wealth, then the chronology is to understand a dollar.
Whatever the instance, in order to achieve something it's best to change other things, even as much as by changing your thought patterns.
Another song that deals with that is by The Emotions and it's called "Rejoice."This song states that: " if the things you do, are not pleasing you, it's time to take another point of view...you find the things you seek are within your reach, your mind conceived it, and your heart will believe it, first you sacrifice and make it right."
The more you resist change the harder it will be to see the forest, let alone the trees. The less you give in to change, the less you will see of yourself and the more likely you won't let egos and emotions stand in your way.
For some people it really is difficult at times to do the things that we love, or to get to the space in time where we feel like what we're doing is making a difference...to anyone. I think sometimes the true reason for that is that subconciously we have fear of what others think, and this negative energy sinks into us, and sinks our beliefs. Conversely, it's one of the reasons that music has such profound messages when we listen objectively. Take for example Marvin Gayes' monster hit in 1971 "What's Goin' On." It touched people deeply with strong statements about loving each other and fair treatment of our fellow humans, but although he wrote the message and really felt so strongly about it he still died at the hands of violence...and from his own Father to boot. He had demons as such that he really needed help of the highest order.
Although, I really struggle with believing in myself at times ( and even that's weird because I in fact have a very strong belief system; although at times it gets short circuited.), I still feel that I'm going to get where I'm going with my life. The key is change !! "Change what you're doing today, and tomorrow will change." In order to garner the things that you want in this life you have to put everything into some chronological order. It could be playing music; you would need to have an understanding of it before attempting to make it a livelihood, it could be falling in love, for that to truly happen, you must first love yourself. If you wanted wealth, then the chronology is to understand a dollar.
Whatever the instance, in order to achieve something it's best to change other things, even as much as by changing your thought patterns.
Another song that deals with that is by The Emotions and it's called "Rejoice."This song states that: " if the things you do, are not pleasing you, it's time to take another point of view...you find the things you seek are within your reach, your mind conceived it, and your heart will believe it, first you sacrifice and make it right."
The more you resist change the harder it will be to see the forest, let alone the trees. The less you give in to change, the less you will see of yourself and the more likely you won't let egos and emotions stand in your way.
Friday, April 22, 2005
Sensitivity and Humility
Here's one of those life lessons that you either learn the hard way or it falls into your lap like meteor:
My bassist Ted Harrison is truly one the nicest people that I've ever known anywhere...period. I also know that that Theo has a bit of a stubborn streak (it rears its strange head ocassionally).
At rehearsal on Wednesday, Michael was playing a new song that he's been working on, and was trying to get Ted to play the bass part similar to the way he'd done it the previous week when we first attempted to work it out. Now mind you Ted is a very great bassist (in my opinion), but for a long time he played just the basics, meaning he would not be very adventurous ( his was more quiet dignity, like the great bassist Chuck Rainey); but in the last couple of years as we've began to really take off as a group he has started to come into his own, taking all kinds of chances and stretching out quite a bit... I love it. Michael on the other hand will wield his guitar like a machine gun and rip off some solos that are astounding, lyrical and just beautiful; they're just inspiring to me. He plays that way all of the time, which is one of the reasons that we've grown so much as a band. All of these things are good but at times Michael and Ted can get they're roles reversed. Here's the deal, Michael has been writing original songs for us to play. The songs have been funny, poignant, and well meaning but he is very sensitive about them mainly because he feels that he's only an average writer ( to which I say, ba-lo-ney !) .
First of all, I think if you're in a band that's trying their hardest to do something with their music, and you take the time to try and do something original more power to you.
Now I'm gonna fuss a little at Theo because although he's trying to make his playing match the excitement he feels about these songs he could be a little more sensitive to Mike when Mike is already feeling weird about his music writing abilities, and when we perform live Mike does the same thing to Ted. It's funny because their roles reverse at times depending on the situation.
I say all this to say that on the part of both of my bandmates, there needs to be a little bit of sensitivity and humility.
Please don't misunderstand me or misconstrue what I'm saying, these two guys really are brothers and they truly care about each other but they have to be more patient with each other. Ted has to not take it to heart when Mike asks him do something different, and Mike needs to understand more that all of us get lost in his playing at times...it's hard not to, so when we make mistakes don't frown, just go with the flow and hope that we'll work it out and concentrate.
I feel privileged to play music with these guys, I've learned alot, and I'm grateful that they've accepted me on my terms.
For people in any walk of life; while on your journey you need to always carry with you sensitivity and humility because if you're not humble, you'll stumble, and if you're insensitive, you'll not be inquisitive and you won't get the answers you need to fulfill your life indeed.
My bassist Ted Harrison is truly one the nicest people that I've ever known anywhere...period. I also know that that Theo has a bit of a stubborn streak (it rears its strange head ocassionally).
At rehearsal on Wednesday, Michael was playing a new song that he's been working on, and was trying to get Ted to play the bass part similar to the way he'd done it the previous week when we first attempted to work it out. Now mind you Ted is a very great bassist (in my opinion), but for a long time he played just the basics, meaning he would not be very adventurous ( his was more quiet dignity, like the great bassist Chuck Rainey); but in the last couple of years as we've began to really take off as a group he has started to come into his own, taking all kinds of chances and stretching out quite a bit... I love it. Michael on the other hand will wield his guitar like a machine gun and rip off some solos that are astounding, lyrical and just beautiful; they're just inspiring to me. He plays that way all of the time, which is one of the reasons that we've grown so much as a band. All of these things are good but at times Michael and Ted can get they're roles reversed. Here's the deal, Michael has been writing original songs for us to play. The songs have been funny, poignant, and well meaning but he is very sensitive about them mainly because he feels that he's only an average writer ( to which I say, ba-lo-ney !) .
First of all, I think if you're in a band that's trying their hardest to do something with their music, and you take the time to try and do something original more power to you.
Now I'm gonna fuss a little at Theo because although he's trying to make his playing match the excitement he feels about these songs he could be a little more sensitive to Mike when Mike is already feeling weird about his music writing abilities, and when we perform live Mike does the same thing to Ted. It's funny because their roles reverse at times depending on the situation.
I say all this to say that on the part of both of my bandmates, there needs to be a little bit of sensitivity and humility.
Please don't misunderstand me or misconstrue what I'm saying, these two guys really are brothers and they truly care about each other but they have to be more patient with each other. Ted has to not take it to heart when Mike asks him do something different, and Mike needs to understand more that all of us get lost in his playing at times...it's hard not to, so when we make mistakes don't frown, just go with the flow and hope that we'll work it out and concentrate.
I feel privileged to play music with these guys, I've learned alot, and I'm grateful that they've accepted me on my terms.
For people in any walk of life; while on your journey you need to always carry with you sensitivity and humility because if you're not humble, you'll stumble, and if you're insensitive, you'll not be inquisitive and you won't get the answers you need to fulfill your life indeed.
Thursday, April 21, 2005
Hi, I'm Charlie Tee and I want to officially welcome you to my blogsite.
This is what it's all about for me...playing music.
I hope that the things I talk about will be inspiring and create a dialogue among musicians and anyone trying to make a career in the music business, as well as those who just love music.
Some of the previous blogs have been archived, feel free to read, enjoy and comment.
If you enjoy what you're reading, come hear my band The Carpenter Ants, most every Wednesday at The Empty Glass 410 Elizabeth St. Charleston WV (www.emptyglass.com)
Your imput is important, so join me, won't you.
Sunday, April 17, 2005
Happiness
Playing music makes me very happy, listening to music makes me equally as happy.
I know all this happiness sounds like too much lithium but I've really tried to make it my business to find happiness on a consistent basis. Even through the foggy days of my life I've tried to make myself see through it and smile.
Switching channels a bit...why is it that we are soooo obssessed with other people's happiness or lack thereof ? It seems to me that if Prince Charles wanted to remarry why should the public have such great concern.
The way I see it is , if it doesn't directly pertain to you what should it matter...
Now I love celebrity and I like celebrities but what they do when they're at home is just not a concern that I feel that I should have. I'm not saying that if they do something illegal that they shouldn't pay, quite the contrary but your basic persuit of happiness (whatever that is) is for you to find.
One shouldn't be classified a nerd or geek if they get their happiness from engaging themselves at a computer. You shouldn't be made to feel uncomfortable because you lose yourself in books, or music.
Whatever it is for you, find it, try it, and go for it.
For me that happiness is a beat that makes my hair stand on end (OK smart alecks, I know that I don't have any hair, but you get the picture), and a melody that takes me home, and a groove that fills me up like a gallon of water.
At the end of every Mountain Stage, host Larry Groce engages the audience to "go out and catch some live music," I think Larry is on to something!!!
If you're not sure what kind of music to listen to, there's fuel food and lodging when you when you get off at any exit in the state of Happiness.
I know all this happiness sounds like too much lithium but I've really tried to make it my business to find happiness on a consistent basis. Even through the foggy days of my life I've tried to make myself see through it and smile.
Switching channels a bit...why is it that we are soooo obssessed with other people's happiness or lack thereof ? It seems to me that if Prince Charles wanted to remarry why should the public have such great concern.
The way I see it is , if it doesn't directly pertain to you what should it matter...
Now I love celebrity and I like celebrities but what they do when they're at home is just not a concern that I feel that I should have. I'm not saying that if they do something illegal that they shouldn't pay, quite the contrary but your basic persuit of happiness (whatever that is) is for you to find.
One shouldn't be classified a nerd or geek if they get their happiness from engaging themselves at a computer. You shouldn't be made to feel uncomfortable because you lose yourself in books, or music.
Whatever it is for you, find it, try it, and go for it.
For me that happiness is a beat that makes my hair stand on end (OK smart alecks, I know that I don't have any hair, but you get the picture), and a melody that takes me home, and a groove that fills me up like a gallon of water.
At the end of every Mountain Stage, host Larry Groce engages the audience to "go out and catch some live music," I think Larry is on to something!!!
If you're not sure what kind of music to listen to, there's fuel food and lodging when you when you get off at any exit in the state of Happiness.
Tuesday, April 12, 2005
On Being Muslim
At about the age of 11, I made a choice that even at that young age would be a defining moment in my life, I chose to embrace the religion of Islam.
I realize that this may be a touchy subject for some people, so I won't be offended at all if you turn away.
God and religion is such a very personal thing for so many, and following the doctrine of separating church and state it's difficult to want to bring it to the forefront of people's conciousness or their topics of conversation.
Again my aim here is not to offend anyone but merely help people to understand me, and the things that give shape and life to my music.
I want to first share with you the opening chapter of the Holy Qur'an (the book that Muslims are gaged to to live our lives by...hopefully). It will set the tone for this blog.
"In the name of Allah, the beneficent and merciful, all praise is due to Allah the beneficent, the merciful, master of the day of judgement, thee alone we worship, and thine aid we seek; show us the straight path, the path of those on whom thou bestowed thy favor, not the path of those who have gone astray(Al-Fatiha, or the opening, the 1st chapter of Qur'an )."
Many people who know me, know that I can be very passionate about certain things. The things that really give meaning to my life occur in my life on a very consistent basis. My wife Vickie, my children, my family, the Carpenter Ants, my job at the library, and the Bronx all have extreme relevance to me. The only thing that has more prevalance than any of those with the only exception being Vickie is my love for the religion of Islam and greater than that is my love for Allah (GOD), and the holy prophet of Islam, Muhammad (pbuh:peace be upon him).
When I fell in love with Islam, it came without a warning, and found me in the depths of myself and in the dregs of my life. I was at rockbottom emotionally.
No I wasn't going off the deep end per se but I was at a real low point in my life. I couldn't seem to figure out my life at that time and I felt as though I was coming up short on everything. In much the same way that Midas in Greek mythology was coming up short. In his case anything he touched turned to gold including his only beloved son. In my case everything I touched turned away; relationships, friendships, and seemingly my family.
Every time that I tried to connect to something, something in it would go wrong. One year I spent the better part of the year playing music with some people who were on the fast track to nowhere, and I was so wrapped up in it that I failed to really look at all the signs that I was getting. The drummer of the band was a criminal, he'd do things like catch a taxi to our rehearsals and then stiff the cab driver.We had to pay for the space where we rehearsed and he seemed to always come up short with money and so on. All of these things weighed heavily on me, because I just hated the fact that someone who busted their rear end everyday driving people all around the city of New York would have to be subjected to that...it was just unnerving.
Finally, one day I was talking to one of the youngsters in a Boy Scout troop that I knew from where I lived; his name is Sundiata Westcott. I don't why (yes I do) but for some reason I was pouring my heart out to Sundi, and he in turn says "you need to talk to Rashid."
Abdul Rashid Sabur was sent to me by Allah to change my life and that he did.We became fast friends, and he became my mentor, and my path out of my darkness.
As I said earlier, I embraced Islam at a young age, and although I did I was a typical American teenager, and I didn't take my religion seriously, and I took that attitude with me until adulthood; just taking Allah casually.
Now at the time when I started to be around Abdul Rashid he recognized something in me that I didn't see for myself at the time, he saw a person who was just flying by the seat of their pants and not focused, and very much unprepared to deal with life.
Here is the mark of a real friend...Rashid and his wife Desna began to show me things about life and about dealing with people, and they spent time with me teaching me the true essence of Islam. They helped me to see how Allah intends us to live our lives, and how, when we stray from that path it can lead us to nothing but darkness. Allah wants us to have the things that we are desirous of, but we need to ALWAYS put him first.
I spent the next 10 years studying intensely with Abdul Rashid. On Sundays he would come to my home at 7am sharp and we would study Qur'an and decipher it's meaning. When I made the decision to leave New York and move to West Virginia, I felt confident to meet life head on...and I did.
The day I arrived in the Charleston area was the first day that I was tested to see if I was truly prepared. My first wife (who is deceased, pbuh) was extremely ill at the time which was one of the reasons that I moved here. When i walked through the door of my home she informed that she no longer wanted to be married to me and that I needed to find somewhere else to live.
A big blow to say the least, but I found the Mosque, I found Muslims, and I found other friends who took me in. From there, as painful as it was, I began to retool my life, and with Allah's help I made it through. I found the library where I'm proud to say that I've been employed for going on 12 years, I found a band who has the same dream I have, and we're working together to see our goals, and I have found a wife/ friend /everything who has stood by my side when I didn't have a red cent, I have found an Uma (Muslim community) and Imam that mean everything to me, and who continue to add to my knowledge of al-Islam, and last but not least I have memories of my life in the Bronx and how one man who is a true believer in the Lord showed me through example that all things are possible when when you're intent on being Muslim.
Here is a link to see our glorious Islamic Center of West Virginia.
To learn more about the religion of Islam here is a wonderful website:Islamicity.org
There is a wonderful book which gives a very concise, but down to earth explanations about the religion of Islam entitled:"The Joy of Sects: a spirited guide to the world's religions." by Peter Occhiogrosso. It was the first book that I read by a non-Muslim who painted a non biased picture of Islam. Check it out at you local library.
This blog is dedicated to Abdul Rashid Sabur (Marshall), Desna Westcott Marshall, Sundiata Westcott, Imam Jamal Daoudi, Imam Samuel Majied, and Vickie S.Tuitt, thank you from the bottom of my heart for your love for me.
To all who read this blog: may peace be upon you always.
I realize that this may be a touchy subject for some people, so I won't be offended at all if you turn away.
God and religion is such a very personal thing for so many, and following the doctrine of separating church and state it's difficult to want to bring it to the forefront of people's conciousness or their topics of conversation.
Again my aim here is not to offend anyone but merely help people to understand me, and the things that give shape and life to my music.
I want to first share with you the opening chapter of the Holy Qur'an (the book that Muslims are gaged to to live our lives by...hopefully). It will set the tone for this blog.
"In the name of Allah, the beneficent and merciful, all praise is due to Allah the beneficent, the merciful, master of the day of judgement, thee alone we worship, and thine aid we seek; show us the straight path, the path of those on whom thou bestowed thy favor, not the path of those who have gone astray(Al-Fatiha, or the opening, the 1st chapter of Qur'an )."
Many people who know me, know that I can be very passionate about certain things. The things that really give meaning to my life occur in my life on a very consistent basis. My wife Vickie, my children, my family, the Carpenter Ants, my job at the library, and the Bronx all have extreme relevance to me. The only thing that has more prevalance than any of those with the only exception being Vickie is my love for the religion of Islam and greater than that is my love for Allah (GOD), and the holy prophet of Islam, Muhammad (pbuh:peace be upon him).
When I fell in love with Islam, it came without a warning, and found me in the depths of myself and in the dregs of my life. I was at rockbottom emotionally.
No I wasn't going off the deep end per se but I was at a real low point in my life. I couldn't seem to figure out my life at that time and I felt as though I was coming up short on everything. In much the same way that Midas in Greek mythology was coming up short. In his case anything he touched turned to gold including his only beloved son. In my case everything I touched turned away; relationships, friendships, and seemingly my family.
Every time that I tried to connect to something, something in it would go wrong. One year I spent the better part of the year playing music with some people who were on the fast track to nowhere, and I was so wrapped up in it that I failed to really look at all the signs that I was getting. The drummer of the band was a criminal, he'd do things like catch a taxi to our rehearsals and then stiff the cab driver.We had to pay for the space where we rehearsed and he seemed to always come up short with money and so on. All of these things weighed heavily on me, because I just hated the fact that someone who busted their rear end everyday driving people all around the city of New York would have to be subjected to that...it was just unnerving.
Finally, one day I was talking to one of the youngsters in a Boy Scout troop that I knew from where I lived; his name is Sundiata Westcott. I don't why (yes I do) but for some reason I was pouring my heart out to Sundi, and he in turn says "you need to talk to Rashid."
Abdul Rashid Sabur was sent to me by Allah to change my life and that he did.We became fast friends, and he became my mentor, and my path out of my darkness.
As I said earlier, I embraced Islam at a young age, and although I did I was a typical American teenager, and I didn't take my religion seriously, and I took that attitude with me until adulthood; just taking Allah casually.
Now at the time when I started to be around Abdul Rashid he recognized something in me that I didn't see for myself at the time, he saw a person who was just flying by the seat of their pants and not focused, and very much unprepared to deal with life.
Here is the mark of a real friend...Rashid and his wife Desna began to show me things about life and about dealing with people, and they spent time with me teaching me the true essence of Islam. They helped me to see how Allah intends us to live our lives, and how, when we stray from that path it can lead us to nothing but darkness. Allah wants us to have the things that we are desirous of, but we need to ALWAYS put him first.
I spent the next 10 years studying intensely with Abdul Rashid. On Sundays he would come to my home at 7am sharp and we would study Qur'an and decipher it's meaning. When I made the decision to leave New York and move to West Virginia, I felt confident to meet life head on...and I did.
The day I arrived in the Charleston area was the first day that I was tested to see if I was truly prepared. My first wife (who is deceased, pbuh) was extremely ill at the time which was one of the reasons that I moved here. When i walked through the door of my home she informed that she no longer wanted to be married to me and that I needed to find somewhere else to live.
A big blow to say the least, but I found the Mosque, I found Muslims, and I found other friends who took me in. From there, as painful as it was, I began to retool my life, and with Allah's help I made it through. I found the library where I'm proud to say that I've been employed for going on 12 years, I found a band who has the same dream I have, and we're working together to see our goals, and I have found a wife/ friend /everything who has stood by my side when I didn't have a red cent, I have found an Uma (Muslim community) and Imam that mean everything to me, and who continue to add to my knowledge of al-Islam, and last but not least I have memories of my life in the Bronx and how one man who is a true believer in the Lord showed me through example that all things are possible when when you're intent on being Muslim.
Here is a link to see our glorious Islamic Center of West Virginia.
To learn more about the religion of Islam here is a wonderful website:Islamicity.org
There is a wonderful book which gives a very concise, but down to earth explanations about the religion of Islam entitled:"The Joy of Sects: a spirited guide to the world's religions." by Peter Occhiogrosso. It was the first book that I read by a non-Muslim who painted a non biased picture of Islam. Check it out at you local library.
This blog is dedicated to Abdul Rashid Sabur (Marshall), Desna Westcott Marshall, Sundiata Westcott, Imam Jamal Daoudi, Imam Samuel Majied, and Vickie S.Tuitt, thank you from the bottom of my heart for your love for me.
To all who read this blog: may peace be upon you always.
Saturday, April 09, 2005
The Groove Factor...Ants in the zone.
For sometime now I've had this description of the Carpenter Ants when we not only take our audience on a journey but also lift them up as well. I like to call it "Ants hitting the zone."
The zone is that place where you reach inside of yourself and pull out premier performances.
Sunday April 3rd was that kind of night...
When Michael arrived at the club after Mountain Stage we were milling around and he says to "put on your game faces, I think tonight is gonna count." In human language, that translates to mean that everyone ( meaning all the musicians who appeared on the show) is coming to our show to hear us, so play your best. It's really a different vibe when you have musicians as part of your audience, because they know what to listen for so you can't fake your way through or give just a mediocre performance (we don't do that anyway).
Well, if you remember my little theory about the Yankees (read blog #4,"Carpenter Ants 0- Life 22.") , not only did I pull up a great performance, but also, the entire band did as well, and you really had to have been there but we were unbelievable.The vocals were astonishing, the music was amazing and it was so tight that the air had to pay to get in.
People were dancing and just generally losing their inhibitions and we turned the heat up to a fever pitch boiling point.
To say the least, the groove factor was in effect, and the people in the audience felt every drop of music like rain from the heavens.
It's a great feeling when we arrive in the zone, you can see it in our faces and hear it in our voices. During the course of the show we got people from various bands who were on Mountain Stage to come and join us and many of them did, and it affected them as well. At the end of the evening many of them hugged us, kissed us, and were in complete awe because they felt as if they had discovered a lost treasure...fun.
One of the people who joined us was a singer/ guitarist named Johnny Hickman who plays with the great band Cracker. Before I left to go home, Johnny told me that we moved like a freight train...with absolute power and at full throttle. To which I said, paraphrasing the song "Rock Island Line," if ya wanna ride it, gotta ride it like you find it, get your ticket at the station for the Carpenter Ants Line.
The zone is that place where you reach inside of yourself and pull out premier performances.
Sunday April 3rd was that kind of night...
When Michael arrived at the club after Mountain Stage we were milling around and he says to "put on your game faces, I think tonight is gonna count." In human language, that translates to mean that everyone ( meaning all the musicians who appeared on the show) is coming to our show to hear us, so play your best. It's really a different vibe when you have musicians as part of your audience, because they know what to listen for so you can't fake your way through or give just a mediocre performance (we don't do that anyway).
Well, if you remember my little theory about the Yankees (read blog #4,"Carpenter Ants 0- Life 22.") , not only did I pull up a great performance, but also, the entire band did as well, and you really had to have been there but we were unbelievable.The vocals were astonishing, the music was amazing and it was so tight that the air had to pay to get in.
People were dancing and just generally losing their inhibitions and we turned the heat up to a fever pitch boiling point.
To say the least, the groove factor was in effect, and the people in the audience felt every drop of music like rain from the heavens.
It's a great feeling when we arrive in the zone, you can see it in our faces and hear it in our voices. During the course of the show we got people from various bands who were on Mountain Stage to come and join us and many of them did, and it affected them as well. At the end of the evening many of them hugged us, kissed us, and were in complete awe because they felt as if they had discovered a lost treasure...fun.
One of the people who joined us was a singer/ guitarist named Johnny Hickman who plays with the great band Cracker. Before I left to go home, Johnny told me that we moved like a freight train...with absolute power and at full throttle. To which I said, paraphrasing the song "Rock Island Line," if ya wanna ride it, gotta ride it like you find it, get your ticket at the station for the Carpenter Ants Line.
Thursday, April 07, 2005
What's the Point? (letting some things go)
In my short life I've had to learn some hard lessons about letting go and moving on.
I don't know why that's such a seemingly impossible thing to do for so many people, but I know that it's difficult. Mind you I'm not necessarily a pack rat, but I could cling to something I like for decades before I let it go, I'm sure that it must drive my Wife insane, but hey that's me like it or not.
Recently, I came to some conclusions about certain things: this mainly involves people. I've always been one who tries to give people the benefit of the doubt; mostly because I realize that we are all fallible and we are all human, so mistakes can and will be made but I'm now of the mindset that while some things ( well...maybe most things) happen for a reason we can set ourselves on a course that will ultimately lead us to places where we don't want to be...you know, play with fire, you'll get burned!
I ran into a guy that I went to college with named Bud Anderson ( a really nice and well meaning guy) Bud has become pretty successful at most of his endeavors, and he was sharing with me over lunch some of the things that he's doing with his life.
Anyway, he asked me about becoming involved with the Alumni Association of West Virginia State University (ne'e College), our Alma Mater, and as hard as it was for me to do this I had to flatly turn him down. Why? Well, if you remember a few blogs back I told of how I once thought that I was fairly popular in school only to find out just how much I wasn't. When I was in school I really did try to be a good friend to mostly eveybody, and I did in fact help lots of people in college and since we've graduated. I can't tell you how many times I've been approached by folks asking for all kinds of stuff of me...and I came through.
Now, when I've asked the same of them with regard to supporting my band I haven't heard from one soul, and truthfully that has hurt my feelings immeasurably.
I realize that I shouldn't expect things from people just because I did them a good turn, but I'm not asking them to go out on a limb or over-extend themselves, all I ask is that they go to their local nightclubs, concert venues and talk us up, we'll do the rest.
Some of these people are even in positions to really help us. One guy I know is the manager of the great trumpeter Wynton Marsalis, another lady is the head of A and R for CBS/Sony, and still another was formerly the president of Black Music Association of America.
What's the point? The point is that like it or not I have to let go of my grip on the dream of classmates coming through like the towns people came through for George Bailey in "It's A Wonderful Life." No matter what, I've got to keep on keeping on.
Thank you Elizabeth for your kind words...they meant alot !
I don't know why that's such a seemingly impossible thing to do for so many people, but I know that it's difficult. Mind you I'm not necessarily a pack rat, but I could cling to something I like for decades before I let it go, I'm sure that it must drive my Wife insane, but hey that's me like it or not.
Recently, I came to some conclusions about certain things: this mainly involves people. I've always been one who tries to give people the benefit of the doubt; mostly because I realize that we are all fallible and we are all human, so mistakes can and will be made but I'm now of the mindset that while some things ( well...maybe most things) happen for a reason we can set ourselves on a course that will ultimately lead us to places where we don't want to be...you know, play with fire, you'll get burned!
I ran into a guy that I went to college with named Bud Anderson ( a really nice and well meaning guy) Bud has become pretty successful at most of his endeavors, and he was sharing with me over lunch some of the things that he's doing with his life.
Anyway, he asked me about becoming involved with the Alumni Association of West Virginia State University (ne'e College), our Alma Mater, and as hard as it was for me to do this I had to flatly turn him down. Why? Well, if you remember a few blogs back I told of how I once thought that I was fairly popular in school only to find out just how much I wasn't. When I was in school I really did try to be a good friend to mostly eveybody, and I did in fact help lots of people in college and since we've graduated. I can't tell you how many times I've been approached by folks asking for all kinds of stuff of me...and I came through.
Now, when I've asked the same of them with regard to supporting my band I haven't heard from one soul, and truthfully that has hurt my feelings immeasurably.
I realize that I shouldn't expect things from people just because I did them a good turn, but I'm not asking them to go out on a limb or over-extend themselves, all I ask is that they go to their local nightclubs, concert venues and talk us up, we'll do the rest.
Some of these people are even in positions to really help us. One guy I know is the manager of the great trumpeter Wynton Marsalis, another lady is the head of A and R for CBS/Sony, and still another was formerly the president of Black Music Association of America.
What's the point? The point is that like it or not I have to let go of my grip on the dream of classmates coming through like the towns people came through for George Bailey in "It's A Wonderful Life." No matter what, I've got to keep on keeping on.
Thank you Elizabeth for your kind words...they meant alot !
Sunday, April 03, 2005
It's Time For Some Changes
Before I launch headlong in to this blog, I'm going to give myself a short disclaimer:
My views here do not in any way reflect the views of those I write about, or who are mentioned in this blog.
I mean no malice toward anyone; nor harbor any ill will, even toward those viewed in a not so positive light.
My true aim here is to clarify for myself some of the misgivings that I have had or that I have about being in the Musicians Union and about being in the music business.
The American Federation of Musicians is a great organization and has done many wonderful things for a great many people who aspire to careers in all aspects of the music industry. CDT
Like many other professions, music has a professional organized arm, it's called the The American Federation of Musicians. Here in the Charleston West Virginia area our local is AFM local #136.
The ultimate goal of the Union is to foster and help those with aspirations toward careers in music. Help by most available positive means necessary. Which include and are not limited to promotion, promulgation, career building etc.
For a number of years as an organization we struggled with being totally professional; by that I mean the members didn't take it as seriously as we should have to get the desired results from being involved in the local or national music industry. Chief among the reasons why members were/are disheartened with local is that it is felt that things are not always in reality as they are preported publicly.
For those reasons some of the people who have governed us have not always been forthright about their dealings on behalf of the members...in short, personal agenda had become the norm on many occasions.
A few years ago the president of our local was indicted and then convicted of federal racketeering charges. He was a nice man and I genuinely liked him, but it was just plainly wrong to do the things that he did, and expect the membership to adhere to the rules of the local, or participate in being members at all.
I have been a member in good standing for years, starting with being a member of local # 802 in New York City. I also must add that I truly believe in the organization as a whole in general. I know first hand the many things that it has done for me when I was an active participant. I also learned alot about the business of music which also has been helpful to my career aspirations.
While I've been friendly with most of the staff of this local, I've also seen them make what I think are some horrific blunders, for example: not completely disclosing all monies spent on behalf of the local; there has been no paper trail for us to follow. Hiring an office manager, where there is no clear need for one. I made the suggestion sometime ago that whenever our newsletter is published there should be one article per issue that thoroughly explains how our membership monies are categorized and broken down...what pays for what.
Those are just miniscule examples of the things that are transpiring here, and it's very sad to see because Charleston has some talented musicians who deserve to have our professional organization run correctly and astutely by people who have the complete best interest of the members.
Because of some of the negative changes that I've seen in the local I have opted to not continue my membership at this time, as a vocalist that is my right, but that saddens me as well, because at a time when music is absolutely needed by a distraught nation it's a feather taken out of our caps to not be involved in the right way, to which I say...it's time for some changes.
As professional musicians (meaning non student musicians), whether full time or part time, we need to be organized, we need to stick together to increase our professional status thereby increasing to whatever degree our monetary gain.In other words if we expect for club owners, concert halls, restaurantuers and the like to take us seriously, we need to be serious about the health of our organization. Starting from the top down.
MUSICIANS OF THE WORLD UNITE !!!
My views here do not in any way reflect the views of those I write about, or who are mentioned in this blog.
I mean no malice toward anyone; nor harbor any ill will, even toward those viewed in a not so positive light.
My true aim here is to clarify for myself some of the misgivings that I have had or that I have about being in the Musicians Union and about being in the music business.
The American Federation of Musicians is a great organization and has done many wonderful things for a great many people who aspire to careers in all aspects of the music industry. CDT
Like many other professions, music has a professional organized arm, it's called the The American Federation of Musicians. Here in the Charleston West Virginia area our local is AFM local #136.
The ultimate goal of the Union is to foster and help those with aspirations toward careers in music. Help by most available positive means necessary. Which include and are not limited to promotion, promulgation, career building etc.
For a number of years as an organization we struggled with being totally professional; by that I mean the members didn't take it as seriously as we should have to get the desired results from being involved in the local or national music industry. Chief among the reasons why members were/are disheartened with local is that it is felt that things are not always in reality as they are preported publicly.
For those reasons some of the people who have governed us have not always been forthright about their dealings on behalf of the members...in short, personal agenda had become the norm on many occasions.
A few years ago the president of our local was indicted and then convicted of federal racketeering charges. He was a nice man and I genuinely liked him, but it was just plainly wrong to do the things that he did, and expect the membership to adhere to the rules of the local, or participate in being members at all.
I have been a member in good standing for years, starting with being a member of local # 802 in New York City. I also must add that I truly believe in the organization as a whole in general. I know first hand the many things that it has done for me when I was an active participant. I also learned alot about the business of music which also has been helpful to my career aspirations.
While I've been friendly with most of the staff of this local, I've also seen them make what I think are some horrific blunders, for example: not completely disclosing all monies spent on behalf of the local; there has been no paper trail for us to follow. Hiring an office manager, where there is no clear need for one. I made the suggestion sometime ago that whenever our newsletter is published there should be one article per issue that thoroughly explains how our membership monies are categorized and broken down...what pays for what.
Those are just miniscule examples of the things that are transpiring here, and it's very sad to see because Charleston has some talented musicians who deserve to have our professional organization run correctly and astutely by people who have the complete best interest of the members.
Because of some of the negative changes that I've seen in the local I have opted to not continue my membership at this time, as a vocalist that is my right, but that saddens me as well, because at a time when music is absolutely needed by a distraught nation it's a feather taken out of our caps to not be involved in the right way, to which I say...it's time for some changes.
As professional musicians (meaning non student musicians), whether full time or part time, we need to be organized, we need to stick together to increase our professional status thereby increasing to whatever degree our monetary gain.In other words if we expect for club owners, concert halls, restaurantuers and the like to take us seriously, we need to be serious about the health of our organization. Starting from the top down.
MUSICIANS OF THE WORLD UNITE !!!
David Sanborn...that great cry.
If ever I can say that someone influenced me greatly as a musician, I would have to pick David Sanborn hands down and heads above everyone else.
Years before I actually heard him, I had heard of him because everyone that I had played music with from around 1969 on compared me with him. Starting with a guy that I grew up with in the Bronx, Butch Ford (a fine guitarist). He was a big fan of the Paul Butterfield Blues band, of which Sanborn was a member.During a short well lived tenure in a band that Butch had I was the saxophone player (no one knew that I could sing because I tried to keep that to myself). Butch always told me that he really loved the way I could handle my horn... "Charlie, you just play the sh** outta that thing, just like that F***ing David Sanborn, in Butterfield's band."
Now I'm not certain where I lost the interpretation , but it may be around that time that I started to lose confidence in myself and doubt my abilities. I had some run ins with a couple of the other guys in the band (funny, I don't even remember their names) but their taunts affected me negatively, mainly because I was overweight. Butch really believed that I would be a great musician someday; but we were teenagers, and it's hard to see that far ahead, and even harder to convince grownups that this guy's got a gift. So as my teen years faded into bad memory, I kept my dreams and my gift to myself.
I came here to West Virginia to go to college, and during those years I heard some great music and some great musicians, and I really wanted to participate, but my earlier fears sort of got the best of me so I didn't really reveal how well I could play for fear that I wouldn't get to play much because of peoples egos (stupid huh?). Anyway, I wrapped up my time in West Virginia (the first time) after doing a stint as the lead vocalist and flutist/saxophonist with a band called Stratus (they are still going strong here in the Charleston area), and I went back to New York by way of DC, where I lived with my Sister for a year. During that time she tried to tell everyone who would listen about her baby Brother, and I did get a couple of gigs out of it but nothing in DC clicked for me, so I headed back to the Bronx...something was pulling me.
After just over a year in the city I started getting really antsy, so I ventured out to see what the music scene was like, and I started meeting all kinds of people who gave me the same story, and making endless comparisons.
Anyway to make a long story short in 1983 on a complete fluke I was hanging out with some friends when I ran into my cousin Leroy Clouden ( if you're not familiar with the name grab the Steely Dan CD "Two Against Nature," he's the drummer) at a club called Mikells. He and I were chatting it up, he takes me down to the dressing room, and while we're in this conversation in walks David Sanborn, well you could heard my heart drop.Leroy introduces us and tells him that my cuz CT is a great singer; David nods politely.End of story, oh no! I go back upstairs to watch the show and they call my name to come and sing ( as black as I am, I turned as white as Michael Jackson). I should have left well enough alone but David starts inviting me to all his gigs around town, and I even got to play sax at a couple of them.
Fear can do some strange stuff to you if you let it, and I've kept this fear about my talent to myself for too long, I'm trying to overcome it but I've had some terrible experiences with it because of egos.
During the time I spent with David, he encouraged me a lot, and he was the first person to treat me as though I had a brain, and not his valet...and I will be forever grateful.
If you've never experienced David Sanborn live you owe it to your career if you're in music to hear that great cry from his horn, he's in this game for real and when you listen to him you'll understand why he can literally move me to tears, and you'll also undersand why I want so badly to be in this business.
Lastly, if you're struggling in this business, find people who will cheer you on and not bring you down because you have drive, and or talent.Get together with like minded people who are encouraging and will compel you to be the best...you deserve it!
Years before I actually heard him, I had heard of him because everyone that I had played music with from around 1969 on compared me with him. Starting with a guy that I grew up with in the Bronx, Butch Ford (a fine guitarist). He was a big fan of the Paul Butterfield Blues band, of which Sanborn was a member.During a short well lived tenure in a band that Butch had I was the saxophone player (no one knew that I could sing because I tried to keep that to myself). Butch always told me that he really loved the way I could handle my horn... "Charlie, you just play the sh** outta that thing, just like that F***ing David Sanborn, in Butterfield's band."
Now I'm not certain where I lost the interpretation , but it may be around that time that I started to lose confidence in myself and doubt my abilities. I had some run ins with a couple of the other guys in the band (funny, I don't even remember their names) but their taunts affected me negatively, mainly because I was overweight. Butch really believed that I would be a great musician someday; but we were teenagers, and it's hard to see that far ahead, and even harder to convince grownups that this guy's got a gift. So as my teen years faded into bad memory, I kept my dreams and my gift to myself.
I came here to West Virginia to go to college, and during those years I heard some great music and some great musicians, and I really wanted to participate, but my earlier fears sort of got the best of me so I didn't really reveal how well I could play for fear that I wouldn't get to play much because of peoples egos (stupid huh?). Anyway, I wrapped up my time in West Virginia (the first time) after doing a stint as the lead vocalist and flutist/saxophonist with a band called Stratus (they are still going strong here in the Charleston area), and I went back to New York by way of DC, where I lived with my Sister for a year. During that time she tried to tell everyone who would listen about her baby Brother, and I did get a couple of gigs out of it but nothing in DC clicked for me, so I headed back to the Bronx...something was pulling me.
After just over a year in the city I started getting really antsy, so I ventured out to see what the music scene was like, and I started meeting all kinds of people who gave me the same story, and making endless comparisons.
Anyway to make a long story short in 1983 on a complete fluke I was hanging out with some friends when I ran into my cousin Leroy Clouden ( if you're not familiar with the name grab the Steely Dan CD "Two Against Nature," he's the drummer) at a club called Mikells. He and I were chatting it up, he takes me down to the dressing room, and while we're in this conversation in walks David Sanborn, well you could heard my heart drop.Leroy introduces us and tells him that my cuz CT is a great singer; David nods politely.End of story, oh no! I go back upstairs to watch the show and they call my name to come and sing ( as black as I am, I turned as white as Michael Jackson). I should have left well enough alone but David starts inviting me to all his gigs around town, and I even got to play sax at a couple of them.
Fear can do some strange stuff to you if you let it, and I've kept this fear about my talent to myself for too long, I'm trying to overcome it but I've had some terrible experiences with it because of egos.
During the time I spent with David, he encouraged me a lot, and he was the first person to treat me as though I had a brain, and not his valet...and I will be forever grateful.
If you've never experienced David Sanborn live you owe it to your career if you're in music to hear that great cry from his horn, he's in this game for real and when you listen to him you'll understand why he can literally move me to tears, and you'll also undersand why I want so badly to be in this business.
Lastly, if you're struggling in this business, find people who will cheer you on and not bring you down because you have drive, and or talent.Get together with like minded people who are encouraging and will compel you to be the best...you deserve it!
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