The High Price of Awakening

At different times in my life I gave up trying to accomplish something with this music because I seemed to be hitting a brick wall. I'm sure that has happened to everyone at one time or another.
Although, I'd done that, something kept drawing me back to music, so I'd gotten the feeling that there is a force greater than me pulling me back. It's really frustrating at times because I really want to make my life's work making music, so I try, and I try, and I shed tears and I try.
Only a fool would be in his mid-life years and still keep trying to do the thing he loves, but I've learned that a fool finds dreams the cheapest road to glory, but the wise man knows the high price of awakening.
I still dream this dream almost every night, and I still wake up and want it more than I want anything. How the hell do I reconcile this feeling? How the in the world can I turn it off? Should I turn it off?
Over the years I'd hear and read stories of people trying to make it in music and they'd have one hardship after another, some even made it then something worse happened and they didn't get to enjoy it (that one really scares me !). All I know is that I live for this music , it's all I ever think about. I have to say that if it weren't for my wife I'd probably go insane because I know that I wouldn't keep my job, I wouldn't have a home, and I'd surely be a bum on the street with my saxophone. THAT IS CRAZY!!!
This is one of the reasons that I don't go to concerts...I can't bring myself to see others lucky enough to do what I want to be doing so badly, although I really try to be big about it and to some degree cavalier.
Sometimes I feel so foolish for feeling the way that I do but I can't help it.
I'm writing this particular blog because I want to stress to everybody that is trying to do this as well to not give up.You really can't worry about the length of time it takes to make a career, but you do need to be prepared as much as you can for it. Network, network, network, the key is to get involved wherever you can and whenever you can.
If you're meeting people who think that you're silly, get away fast from them because they will drain your energy quick, fast and in a hurry.
The other side of this is; try hard to be real, I mean if you have a family, don't sqaunder away your life together just to pursue your art, that would be just as foolish. Be open to learn some things...about your craft and about yourself.
The desire for this career can be a double edged sword, it can find you, but it can also cut you and destroy you. Instead find some happy medium where you can go for your dream, and you can dare to dream it.
The last harsh reality is that music is not for everyone. That includes people who are makng a living at it (my true feeling about American Idol judges). Just remember always what I said: the fool find dreams the cheapest road to glory, but the wise man knows the high price of awakening.
"By concentrating on precision one arrives at technique, but by concentrating on technique one does not arrive at precision."