In this installment, I want to tell you about fears that plagued me and how I slowly learned to overcome them thanks to some sound advice from my Father. It's also a story of how real friendship can save your life.
Growing up I was overweight, but that didn't stop me from doing all those childhood and teenage things. I played hours of basketball, stickball, and played baseball fervently. Of course there was also music music and more music.My sister Caroleigh and I even competed there (although in truth, she was a far better musician than I would ever be...), but we loved each other deeply, and my parents loved that we had something that kept us close.
My friends were always close at hand to cheer me on doing something with my saxophone. flute , or at that time, the piano.At school when I was in the 7th grade I made all city as a saxophonist and flutist. When I went to High School though, all that changed.
My Mom got frustrated with schools in New York and made a decision to send me to military school. I wasn't thrilled about it, but I went because she felt so strongly about it. So I went to the only all Black military school in the world, St .Emma Military Academy in Powhatan Virginia.
Talk about being in the sticks, there isn't place in West Virginia that even comes close to that place, but it was OK, or so I thought...when I went to audition for the band, I got turned down. The band was it's own company, that lived in a separate dorm, took trips off campus, and performed just about everywhere. I found out that my company commander didn't like me so he spoke to the band's company commander and that was that, no band for me. That was my first hurt...
I came home during the Summer my freshman year, and resumed my music playing, even getting into my friend Butch's rock band. All was going well. At some point there was a girl that I really liked named Sonia Delgado who was the sister of my friend Jolanda. I really had a serious crush on her, and found out that she liked me as well, until a very ugly rumor started...and to boot, I walked in on the beginning of that rumor.
I chanced upon two guys who were supposed to be my friends talking badly about me.The rumor went something like this..."you know Charlie doesn't bathe, he smells like an old sock." I know that they never suspected that I was standing right beside a vending machine and heard ever word. I was absolutely crushed.That was bad enough, but one of the guys involved really did have an odor, and everybody knew it about him, yet I was the only one who always treated him nicely.I never ever ever talked about him, and once at a party I even left the room because folks were talking about him so badly...I was embarrased for him.Yet here he was talking about me like freakin' dog. I was hurt beyond measure.
Before long it got so bad that Sonia didn't want to have anything to do with me; and that truly hurt more than anything.
Somewhere along the way, my Father got wind of all this, and caught me crying about it in my room, and he came in and sat down and gave me a pep talk that not only lifted me up, but made me gain confidence in myself.Daddy said something along the lines of: " You are a wonderful person, you're talented, you're beautiful, and most of all, you're a gentleman.You've got more talent and verve in one finger, than those boys will have in their entire lives. You know the type of person that you are, and your real friends all know that as well. Watch what I'm telling you, before long Charlie you'll see, your true friends will rise up for you."
And that they did, they all stood up for me and were very adamant about their loyalty to our friendship.Although it didn't help with the Sonia situation, she never did give me a chance, and we in fact didn't talk again until she came to my Mother's funeral in 1997...some 30 years later.
She was nice, but hurts as they say, run deep. I spoke to her and was cordial but it just wasn't the same.
I learned a really hard lesson about people that Summer.I take my friendships very seriously, and if I call you my friend, you can count on me to be a loyal one.
It's important to surround yourself with "your kind of folks," whether they be on the bandstand or at work, or wherever.
I consider myself a fortunate man in that I have the love, and respect of alot of people from many walks of life.
The sound advice that my Dad gave me was this: let your reputation be like the sky, looked up to.
Have a wonderful weekend everybody, and remember...
Support Live music today tomorrow and always.
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1 comment:
hi charlie. people say hateful, hurtful things for more than a few reasons, but usually the people that do so are more unhappy than they will admit, even to themselves. they are also the very same people that will do whatever pleases themselves while pointing a finger at others to deflect attentions from themselves. my grandmother used to say, "sherry, if they are talking about you, then they are leaving someone else alone." she was right but it was of small comfort to me as a child.
better my grandfather's advice to try to treat others as i wanted to be treated and then i could lay my head down on my pillow each night knowing that i had done the best i could.
i spent years and years always looking over my shoulder, afraid of the gossips and the pettiness of those school days,
now, i do as my grandfather said, i treat others as would want to be treated, if they prove to be false, then the burden is on them. i am cautious in my dealings with people, but i treat everyone with respect most times.
when i am gone, i hope whatever i've done or failed to do, people will give me the benefit of the doubt and say i was a kind and helpful person and as for my dealings with the devine after death, well, i feel that he/she/it HAS to be better than the best of us and so, if a mother can forgive her daughter's murderer(and i've seen it over and over)as 1 example, than the devine presence can surly see my heart and forgive me for not naming a god or choosing 1 religion over another and if there is no god as some think, well then i will still have tried my best(most times) to make the world a teeny bit better before i died.
smile charlie, your a good soul and with each hurt we suffered we learned.
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